well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
