he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
