I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
