She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
