I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Bring me that man meat
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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