I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
