from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize