sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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