just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
