all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
