She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
