2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
