i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
