Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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