He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize