At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
