if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
