i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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