Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
