I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
