I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
