How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
