Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I would ride that face into the sunset
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
