I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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