so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
