I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
