Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize