okay pat passed out under dana's car
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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