I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
