I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
