yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
