the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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