I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Randomize
