This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
