Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
