C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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