i just had sex bonerless
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
