Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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