the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
