She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
