What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
