I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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