When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
