I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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