honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
