Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
