You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
