Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize