just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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