Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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