I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
