did you get engaged???
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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