I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
