neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
