Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
