the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
