They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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