Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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