it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
