Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
